#19 Finding Your WAI with Lindsey Means

Content Discussed: Website | WaiSociety.com Course | EMPRESS Alchemy Technique

Learning To Love Yourself by Gay Hendricks The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks The Power of Now A Complete Practical Guide to Self-Freedom and Self-Discipline Episode 12 Perfectionism with Kelly Covert

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Amy Riordan 0:00 "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.z" - Marianne Williamson Welcome to the Amy Riordan podcast. They say owning a business is a journey and self development, so I decided to explore just that. Whether you're an entrepreneur or looking for fulfillment in your day to day life, get inspired here through interviews, life stories and proven self-help techniques. What you do with information received in this podcast is completely up to you, but if you act you will alter the course of your life in ways you never could have possibly imagined. I'm Amy Riordan. Let's do this. This episode is brought to you by Lenox and Lucy, a collection of handcrafted greeting cards, a company created to assist in supporting the Lupus Foundation. Purchase your greeting cards today at LenoxandLucy.com. This web address can also be found in the show notes of this podcast. Lindsey Means is the creator of the WAI Society WAISociety.com. WAI stands for Who Am I and she'll go a little bit over that as well as her course the Empress Alchemy Technique. You guys, I know that I say this a lot but this podcast is going to hold great value especially with what we're going through right now. So listen up and try to take advantage of some of her techniques if you've got a little extra time on your hands. Hi, Lindsay, how are you? Lindsey Means 1:33 I'm doing so well. Amy, thank you so much for having me on. Amy Riordan 1:36 Your thank you so much for joining us really excited to have you and why don't you just start by introducing yourself? Lindsey Means 1:42 Sure. My name is Lindsay means I am a hairstylist in Austin, Texas. I've been doing hair for 10 years and the past two years or so I've been going on a personal development journey and it's completely transformed my life. Amy Riordan 1:59 That's amazing. exactly where we want to see everyone that listens to this podcast, or at least people that are looking for something more fulfilling. So it's excellent that you're here. So I found you actually on girl boss, which if if no one knows about that they need to check it out for sure just go to girl boss calm and it's a community, but you discussed details about the WAI society and I want I want to go a little bit into that what is the WAI Society. Lindsey Means 2:27 So, WAI Society; WAI stands for Who Am I, and about a year so though I was thinking about starting a podcast and I was trying to decide what my content would be, I originally want it to be for other hairstylist and then I started on my personal development journey and I was just learning so much and I was sharing it with everyone I knew and probably a little too much and so I decided to started a podcast to share what I've been learning and just kind of document my journey. And I was thinking about it. And then the thought, who am I to start a podcast came into my head. And then I instantly thought, who am I? That's it. And it's kind of in a journey to figure out who I am. And I feel like a lot of us have asked that question without really knowing the answer. And so that's kind of how we started first it was the WAI Podcast and then kind of it's been an evolution. So I've been going through a lot of different directions trying to figure out where I want to go with waste society and I finally feel like I figured it out recently and I want it to be a community for other hairstylist and I want to help other hairstylist learn how to unconditionally love themselves. And obviously everyone can learn or can benefit from this message but I want to particularly focus on other hairstylist because I can relate Learning how to love myself has completely transformed my life. Amy Riordan 4:05 I really like that you said that there's a transformation process going on here because there's so many people out there who have this negative connotation with changing their mind or altering the thing that they started from the beginning. I mean, that's that's like how we learn. That's how we know what we want what we don't want. And so that's so important. Yeah, Lindsey Means 4:25 Yeah, that's my tagline is transforming from the inside out because it is a constant evolution.

Amy Riordan 4:32 Exactly. So you discuss also on girl boss, the Emperor's alchemy, and I want to go into that as well. What What is that all about? Lindsey Means 4:42 I shifted my brand for a minute and I started doing my podcast with my partner and we came up with an online course and we were super excited about it, but no one was really paying attention. So it kind of got me thinking how can I get other people to start learning the things that I've learned that have really massively transformed my life in an interesting way. And so I was going, I run experiments on myself all the time and just test out different things and ways of thinking and ways of being. And so I was meditating a lot on it, and it just kind of all came to me over months and months of meditating and trying things out, but imprints is an acronym and it stands for expanding love, mirror, pivot, rejuvenation, embody satisfaction and surrender. And those are seven things that have massively transformed my life and I started using it just on myself and I actually split it up into two techniques. And the second technique is the EMP technique with that one using the first Three steps, expanding love mirror and pivot. And oh my gosh, I use that technique in for any frustrating contrast in anxiety filled, angry moments in life. And as I'm reflecting on them, I use the first straight three steps which we can get into, but I've used it to optimize those situations because so many times I used to get so overwhelmed with the initial situation that I would let it consume me and I wouldn't learn and I wouldn't grow and I wouldn't give myself what I needed in that time. Amy Riordan 6:35 So how did you come across all these different techniques? Is this something you came up with? Or is it something that you learned elsewhere? Lindsey Means 6:41 Oh, so I on the first part of my personal development journey, I was in therapy for a year and I learned a lot through her. And then I've probably read 50 plus books, and when I get my mind set on something I just I love consuming information. I'm a five on the enneagram And that like, is a perfect description of who I am. And I just love learning. So between hours upon hours of podcasts and books and just trial and error really running experiments on myself I was really I read the book learning to love yourself by gay Hendricks and he talks about expanding love. So I've taken a lot of these, I guess topics from other people and just kind of expanded on them within myself. But expanding love was where Empress alchemy first started because I was learning to unconditionally love myself and I realized that I didn't even know what love meant or felt like until I felt love for myself during a meditation and I started a meditation practice. And so expanding love is where it first started. And I think that the seven steps are really empowering especially for women because a lot of times we We ruminate, we are consumed by our thoughts. We don't we lack confidence sometimes in ourselves, we don't even love ourselves. And so how can we love other people efficiently if we don't even love ourselves and rejuvenating yourself daily and finding satisfaction and living an amazing life and feeling good while you're doing it, and while you're on the path to wherever you want to go, and I like feeling good, and I like being happy. And so I wanted to try and find a way to be able to tap into those emotions, even if your external world is crazy, especially in this time that we're in right now. So that's kind of why I wanted to develop this so that I could help other people feel what I'm feeling. Amy Riordan 8:42 So good, so good. So I know that you've kind of transitioned into being more geared toward hairstylist so that's something I want to know in the podcast because I want everyone to know that they're going to see that when they go to the links. And you know, you just want to give this to people that you relate to different rectly but, but yeah, so for anyone who wants to check it out, it's going to be linked. But let's go a little bit in into the seven steps like, Okay, tell me a little bit more about each individual step and whether or not you practice these in meditation or like how you practice each one. Lindsey Means 9:16 Yeah, of course. So the first step is expanding love. And that starts with you. I always say put your oxygen mask on first, I firmly believe that no one in the world will ever be able to love you exactly as you can love yourself. And when I realized that was like, Oh my gosh, like I've I had a limited belief most of my life that I'm so unlovable and so when I learned that I can give myself everything that I need. It was just so amazing. And when you you love yourself when you're hating yourself, you love yourself, when you blue about your partner, you love yourself when you didn't do well at work. You love yourself in any way that you possibly can in every moment. And so that honestly, I if that's the only thing anyone did was love themselves a little bit more after they took the free course and my mission is complete. And then the other part of expanding love is expanding and love for everyone else expanding and love for your partners, your co workers, your family and love is such an amazing, transformative agent. And if we focus more on that, then naturally Our lives will change. And so that's the main focus of Empress alchemy. And then after that comes mirror and the mirror technique, I probably took this from someone or evolved it from someone else. But I feel like when we have let's say you're judging someone, and you're whatever it is, and really your body doesn't know the difference if you're judging them or if you're judging yourself and so a lot of times in frustrating moments you're getting pissed at someone or whatever it is. It's using the mirror as a reflection and asking yourself questions. Why am I still upset? Am I upset because of the situation? Or am I am I upset because I got triggered and this is something deeper, this is something that I need to work on and expand on. It's an it gives you an opportunity for growth. And looking at the reflection in the mirror, it doesn't feel very good sometimes. And so this is a hard part I've there's so many moments in my life where I'm like, Oh, the mirror and it doesn't feel good, but it gives you an opportunity for growth. And I like growth. I like evolving, but it doesn't feel very good. And the second part of the mirror is looking through it. And this is the mirror is a really, it's a tool for growth. And so it's for all those uncomfortable moments that we don't really like and those contrasts the moments and looking through the mirror you can ask yourself questions. Why is this person acting this way, maybe the marriage reflecting back on them and and most of the time we're so unconscious to it. We don't even know why we're upset. So the mirror is an opportunity for growth. It's a tool to have compassion for other people and kind of ask yourself questions about why might they be acting that way. And then the next step is pivot. With pivoting, it's literally thinking about anything else. If a lot of times we are so consumed by a certain thought, or we're sad and and i'm all for feeling your feelings, and that's something I forgot to mention and expanding love. Part of expanding love is giving yourself permission to feel if you feel sad, feel sad, if you feel angry, feel angry, and after you felt it, then we can start doing the work to move on. And pivoting helps us with that because too often we we go back to the original problem and then we start feeling those features. Again, that don't feel very good, but we've already expanded in love. And we've already gone through the mirror. And so it's time to think about something different. Because that thoughts from the past that situations in the past. And so by using those first three steps, that's using the EMP technique and going through that exact process, it's what I do so many times during the day, and it helps me so much and, and pivoting can be very hard sometimes because you get sucked back into one thought and then once you recognize it, then you go back into anything else that makes you feel better. So for the first three steps, honestly, you could do this anytime during the day, the mirror technique can be used right after an incident or in reflection at night. So those three are really good. Amy Riordan 13:51 With the first three it seems like those are obviously the ones that you use the most of those free, which one would you say in particular is the most beneficial for you? Lindsey Means 14:02 Well, I would say expanding love, for sure. But the next one that I use most often would be pivoting. And I go really in depth with the Empress Alchemy free course. But we have between 60 to 80,000 thoughts a day, and 95% of those thoughts are unconscious. So I talk about what I call the thought trains and I feel like our brain is a train station and our thoughts, our trains and there's so many trains that we get on automatically without even knowing and so when you have awareness that you're thinking a thought, that isn't making you feel very good. Then I'll tell myself in my head I'm like Lindsay, jump off the train and I try to think about anything else. This coffee tastes delicious. There's rain out It looks beautiful. Oh my cats cuddling with me literally anything else that makes you feel better. It's not about just faking and being happy, but it's about thinking a thought that makes you feel better. So I feel like pivoting is something I do all of the time. Amy Riordan 15:12 Excellent. Okay, so what about the other four. Lindsey Means 15:16 So the next the first three steps are probably some of the hardest and that's an opportunity for growth. And I use the first three steps a lot during the day. And then the next steps are where it gets fun. Because rejuvenation is all about finding what rejuvenates you and what lights you up, we, especially as women, like we give, give, give, give, give, but we don't refill ourselves and then we have we see that in our lives and so it's finding out what rejuvenates you quickly and what takes a little bit more time. So for me, it's rejuvenation quickly is throwing on some music and dancing like All I'll go into my bathroom and dance for like a minute and then come out and I'll be fine. And it's finding whatever rejuvenates you The beautiful thing about Empress alchemy is it's very personalized. It's, it's a guide to give you to run with and to create your own. So I suggest finding ways that you can rejuvenate yourself quickly. Whether it's taking a breath, whether it's stepping outside for a minute, whether it's just putting a minute timer on your phone and just sitting there, whatever it is finding that and then having some rejuvenation, creating a rejuvenation, practice with things that take longer, more self care, go get a massage, go have dinner with your friends, whatever it is find something that takes a little bit longer and adding that into your life. I know we're all so busy. And even when we aren't that busy, a lot of times we are actively doing things that rejuvenate us and make us feel good. And so that one is is a great step. And then after that it's embodying and within body is, I go really deep into this one, but it's finding it's embodying the traits of who you want to be. I feel like we all and especially your audience, I'm sure we are all they're entrepreneurs, they know where they want to go. But a lot of times we don't really know how to get there. I was going through a period where I wanted to open a salon, but I couldn't see who I was now opening a salon. So I started embodying the traits of a mentor of mine, what would she what would she do? How would she act? How would she feel what what you wear and it's embodying the traits that you like from someone else, whether that's Wonder Woman, your mom, a co worker, someone, a mentor, it's finding traits in someone that you can embody and start taking on and it's really fun because no one knows you're doing it and feel like we all have multiple personalities that we show to the world. We aren't the same. same person we are in the comfort of our own home that we are out in public. And so it's utilizing that. Amy Riordan 18:07 This one's probably my favorite only because I know a lot of people talk about fake it till you make it and I'm putting a little notations. Yes, it's it's negative. I feel like it, fake it till you make it is totally negative. And this is like, yeah, you know what I probably would totally embody, like, not necessarily Wonder Woman but Gal Godot like, definitely. Lindsey Means 18:27 Yes, yeah. Well, and because you can see her doing whatever it is you want to do. It's like, Okay, what would she do? She would be self confidence. She wouldn't feel like she couldn't do that. And it's taking who they are, what you imagined them to be because you don't know this woman, but you obviously resonate with her. And it's, it's not becoming that person. It's becoming your version of you, while you're taking traits from them. Like oh, I like what they do. Let me add that to me. And the more you do it for me I was going through this point where I was like, oh, everyone talks about, like be the goddess and all that. And that didn't resonate with me. And then I don't even know how I came up with Empress To be quite honest, but that seemed more relatable to me and I was like ooh, like the Empress to me means divine feminine and nurturing and nature and slowing down and love, unconditional love and abundance and prosperity. And I was like, Ooh, I like that. I want to be more like that person. And oh my gosh, it's Amy. It's so fun to do this. And it's, I talk about it in my course. But it's like, no one even has to know if you have a big meeting to go to. It's like okay, who who do I need to be in order to get what I want done in this meeting. And then you embody that person. And I even talk about having triggers. For like, you could I wear a necklace and I'll rub my necklace whenever I feel like I need to embody the embrace or whomever I'm trying to embody. So it's it's really fun. I This, I've had so much fun learning all this information. And so my hope is that other people will have fun with it as well. Amy Riordan 20:09 I definitely think that they will. Yeah. So we're, we're left with the two s's. I'm so curious, what are they? Lindsey Means 20:15 So the two S's; The first one is satisfaction. And with satisfaction, I was listening to an abraham hicks meditation every night for like 30 days. And I one day I couldn't sleep. And so I was actually listening to it. And at one point, they were talking about finding satisfaction after satisfaction after satisfaction, and that was kind of burned into my brain. And from then on, I just find things that I want to do and I'm like, Ooh, I'm going to do that. And so from then on, I looked for satisfaction every single day. And because I set my it because I set the intention to find satisfaction. I was finding it all the time and it doesn't have to be something huge. It could literally be Oh my gosh. It's a beautiful day. That's so I feel so satisfied by this beautiful day or you have a meal that tastes amazing all my partners, an amazing chef, and he cooks every night. And so I'll take bites of it, huh, this is so satisfying. It feels so good. And sometimes I go overboard with it, but I don't care because it feels good. And I'm all about feeling good. And there's something called a rectangular activating system and it's a bundle of nerves at our brainstem. And essentially what it does is it creates filters. And if you say if you set you can use intention and Raz to your advantage. So if you set the intention, I want to find satisfaction today. Then your brain creates a filter and it uses rats and it's only going to show you the things that are satisfying. And so we do this all the time in a negative way. I was at the grocery store the other day and the checkout lady she she messed something up or I don't know what happened but you Like, this is just an example of what today is going to be like. And in my head, I was like, yeah, unfortunately, it is because you just set that intention to have a bad day. So your brain is going to show you all the reasons why it's a bad day. So satisfaction is great because you set the intention, I'm gonna find satisfaction today. And then lo and behold, it shows up. And it's very satisfying when you have those moments where you're like, I feel so satisfied right now. And so that was really great. And then the last one is probably the hardest one of the hardest ones because surrender, calm and surrender is so hard. And surrender is literally letting go, surrendering to your emotions and feeling them surrendering to the situations that you can't control surrendering to yourself to what will be will be and so much time we hold on so tight and we have have an idea of how our life should go or how to situations should go. And when you learn that you can surrender to what is most of the time you feel so much better. And then it creates opportunities because there's a million possibilities for how our life could go or how a situation can go. And when you let go of control, typically, at least in my experience, I typically find the path of least resistance to get to wherever I wherever it is, I want to go and when you surrender and you give up control, what I can't you give up control of what you can't control and you focus on what you can control and it shows a much easier way to live. And if you can't tell him all about unconditional happiness and unconditional love and if we feel like happiness is a choice and love is a choice and if we let conditions make us not happy or if we make if we let our conditions make us not feel better. Then are we give away our power. And I'm all about bringing that power giving, getting that power back and choosing to think about our thought that makes us feel better and choosing to surrender to make us feel better. And sometimes it's hard. It's a struggle in the beginning, but once you do it oh my god, it feels so good. Amy Riordan 24:20 This all sounds amazing, especially for what we're going through right now. I think a lot of people are taking new practices and learning new meditations and and all of this is so good. I want to talk about the mirror for a second really quick, because when you're talking about the mirror, I instantly thought of my grandma. And she is she's an amazing woman. Actually. I want to be exactly like her when I grow up. I don't know if she knows that. Lindsey Means 24:43 I love it, yes. Amy Riordan 24:44 But she; her and my grandpa actually celebrating 60 years of marriage this year. Lindsey Means 24:49 Wow. Amy Riordan 24:50 Yeah, insane. sidebar, but anyway, she does this thing she taught me when I was a kid, because she got into a fight with Grandpa in front of me in one of my classes. And oh, and she it was in the camper trailer because they've been traveling the world for as long as I can remember. And she like went into the bathroom and we're like, oh no, like she's upset like grandma's crying in the bathroom. What do we do? And she came out and she clapped her hands together and she said, All right, are you guys ready for bed and she just seems so happy. And I was like Grandma, like, I asked her later, what was that about? What did you do to make yourself so happy? And she said, You know what, I just I went in there and I said to myself in the mirror, Louise, you love this man. And you love your your little granddaughters and you're gonna go out there and you're going to be happy and you're gonna be happy about life because this is a tiny little thing, and it's not gonna matter tomorrow. And it was awesome. It was like life changing. So I feel like every time I look in the mirror and I'm, I'm working on trying to talk myself up that's, that's a big one. That was instantly what I thought it was my grandma. Lindsey Means 25:54 I absolutely love that story. It totally gave me chills because she's so right. When I read the Power of Now by Eckhart totally, that was a book that totally changed my life. And have you read it? I have not. Oh, it's so good. And what he talks about is that all we have is now all we have is this moment that I'm speaking with you. I The past is the past, it's over. It's done and the future. We can't control it. We can't change it, we can. It's fun to think about, believe me, I'm in the future, a lot like dreaming and thinking and thinking about what I want to do with my life and what I want to experience, but we can't control it. And if we spend so much time in the future and so much time in the past, we are not enjoying the present moment where life is. And so your grandma was so amazing because she was pissed by your grandpa. But then she talked to her son herself, which I do all the freakin time. And it's like that moment doesn't matter. I want to feel good and out of all of the research and all of the hours that I've put into the experience And that I've run, I've come to some new beliefs for my life. And I believe that thoughts are neither good nor bad emotions are neither good nor bad. They just are. And life is neither good nor bad. It just is. And I believe that we're here to experience life. I don't feel like I need to wait until I'm retired to be happy, or wait until I get further along in my career to be happy, or wait until I have more money to be happy. No, I want to be happy now. And I really truly feel that if you can stay in higher vibrations, higher thoughts, because our thoughts are creating our emotions and our thoughts are creating our reality. So to me, that means that our emotions are actually creating our reality. So if I'm thinking a thought, that doesn't make me feel good, I want to pivot I want to jump off that thought train and think about something that does make me feel good, so that it can open up more opportunities. And that's what I'm all about is feeling better than you feel now. Like you were saying earlier, fake it till you make it. I don't believe in that either. Because we can't wait until we have something to be happy, we can be happy now on our path to have that thing. And I feel like if you stay in better, higher emotions, love, joy, patient satisfaction, all of that, then it'll help propel you to where you want to be. And while you're enjoying the journey of getting there. Amy Riordan 28:29 Agreed completely. So let's talk a little bit about COVID. I want to know what's going on with you what obviously, this is something that you've put together before. How has it evolved during this time? Lindsey Means 28:43 Well, it's funny that you say that because I honestly wasn't even impressed was rolling around in my head. It had been rolling around in my head for months, but I wasn't planning on releasing it for at least a couple months. And when COVID happened I was actually really excited, like not about what was happening, obviously. But having the time off of work gave me time to work on inverse alchemy. It gave me time to meditate more, it gave me time to slow down and tap into my inner intuition. And I know on your perfectionism episode with Kelly covert, she was talking about the inner guidance system, totally on board with that because our intuition knows what's best for us. And women's intuition is so freakin powerful, but we are so go, go Go and we're not slowing down that we can't hear it. Or we're not letting ourselves recognize that voice that won't steer us wrong. It's the best guidance system ever. And when we COVID happened, I just felt in a meditation that I have to get this out there. And it's been the most amazing experience because normally I'm a very go go, go go go, but I worked hard for I sprinted for two weeks, I got it all together. And it's still evolving and changing and growing. And I've had a couple people, I've had a couple beta groups go through it, and everyone has seen such amazing results within themselves. But honestly, like I it is a very new program that's constantly going to evolve and change and grow. But I felt like I needed to get this out there because we have so much time on our hands, especially hairstylist. And so if we can use this time to focus on ourselves, I feel like there's a revolution with women that's on the brink of happening. And COVID is an amazing time to start focusing on ourselves and listening to that inner voice and our businesses are changing, the world's changing. Let's reach and thrive and rise up and let's do what we're meant to do. And we have to focus on ourselves and we have to maybe sit in the fire for a little bit but we can rise up as the Phoenix that we all are And change the world. And I feel like that's the path that you're on. And that's the path that probably a lot of your audience is on, I can tell by all the amazing people that I've listened to on your podcast and I feel like this is an amazing time. And I know this is probably not what everyone else is saying. But I have been loving this time that I've had. Amy Riordan 31:21 I just want to thank you so so much for being a part of the podcast. This is eye opening and spiritual and I'm really excited about it. I like really dive deep into these kinds of things. Me too, and and practice meditation at the same time. So thank you and your while, like I said, holding everything below. Yeah. Any resources that Lindsay has, you guys will make sure to link them below as well, including all the books that she mentioned her free course and kind of an outline of all of the seven Empress Alchemy techniques. Don't hesitate to reach out to Lindsey or myself. You'll be able to access us through each of our websites, but Linda See, thank you again so much. Lindsey Means 32:01 Thank you so much, Amy. Amy Riordan 32:03 Take care of yourself. Lindsey Means 32:04 You Too. Amy Riordan 32:06 Amy Riordan is a weekly podcast brought to you by me, Amy Riordan. Love this podcast? Leave me a review and share it with friends. You can also find me on social media. Subscribe to this podcast for all new episode notifications. With questions, topic requests or interviewee nominations, visit amyriordan.com. Curious about specific content mentioned in each episode? Those details are linked below.

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