Content Notes: Slow Down, Drop Into Your Body (Reconnect) Practice Saying The Truth (Or The Deeper Thing) Have More Approval For FULL Range Of Emotion
Amy Riordan "Remember always that you not only have the rights to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one." - Eleanor Roosevelt.
Amy Riordan Welcome to the Amy Riordan Podcast. They say owning a business is a journey in self development, so I decided to explore just that. Whether you're an entrepreneur or looking for fulfillment in your day to day life, get inspired here through interviews, life stories and proven self help techniques. What you do with the information received in this podcast is completely up to you, but if you act, you will alter the course of your life in ways you never could have possibly imagined. I'm Amy Riordan. Let's do this.
Amy Riordan This episode is brought to you by Lenox and Lucy, a collection of handcrafted greeting cards, a company created to assist in supporting the Lupus Foundation. Purchase your greeting cards today at LenoxAndLucy.com. This web address can also be found in the show notes of this podcast.
Amy Riordan This morning I got to interview Aimee Batuski, Intimacy Coach and retreat leader. Aimee has a very bubbly personality, she's fun to talk to, and she clearly is passionate about what she does. Not only does her coaching seem to really dive deep into intimacy and relationships, but you'll also find a side of it that really shows how you need to be intimate with yourself and how you need to know yourself first. So without further ado, here's my interview with Aimee Batuski.
Amy Riordan Hi, Aimee. Thank you so much for joining us. We're so excited to have you on the podcast.
Aimee Batuski Thank you so much. Thanks, Amy. I love talking to another Amy.
Amy Riordan Oh, yeah. Amy and Aimee! I was wondering if you could tell us just a little bit about yourself in general before we get into your coaching.
Amy Batuski Yeah, I'd love to. Well, my name is Aimee Batuski. I live in Los Angeles, California. I have been a coach full time for four years; it'll be four years in December. And, yeah, I mean, I know we'll get into it more, but I primarily focus on coaching women around intimacy, relationships and desire. And outside of my coaching, I pretty much continuously doing personal growth work. I was just in Denver this past weekend for training with one of my coaches, one of my teachers, and I'm leading a retreat this upcoming weekend on the weekend after that I'm in another training so I'm pretty much always in different kinds of containers for growth and play an expansion and transformation. So I would say that's what I do for fun. It's what I do for fun and for work. And I would say, another thing about me is that I love community and I love bringing people together. Like minded people; like hearted people and inspiring people to see what else is possible.
Amy Riordan Excellent. And that's what we're all about here anyway, so that's perfect. So first I want; I won't talk about how you got into this. So what got you into this space that you're in now? And obviously you love it so much, which is excellent. But how did you find it?
Aimee Batuski I love it. It's an understatement, how much I love it. Yeah. How did I get here? Well, there's a long version and a shorter version, so I give the shorter version. Basically, I was raised in a family that really values personal developments. My parents met at a personal development seminar 37; 35 years ago. And so they raised both my sister and myself around, empowerment, communication, possibility, growth. And so I started taking on this kind of work for my own life when I was 18, about nine years ago, and I have never stopped. So I was just doing personal growth courses on the side of my life and my full time job and my college education, at different times, at different phases of my life. It was just a side thing, and I just loved it, got so much value, and I kept transforming, and I shared it with the world. And then eventually I was coaching in a program at Landmark, which is a personal development company, and I was coaching one of their courses and I was like, I love coaching. I want to do more of it. I want to do this for my life. And so, I was living in New York City at the time. I had a full time job in the natural food industry, and I quit. I quit my full time job. I got my one way ticket and I moved to Los Angeles, and I hired my life coach, her name is Louisa and she's been my coach for four years, and she was my first coach, now I have many. And I asked for the support that I needed in coaching about having my own business, and I started my coaching business then, and I've done it ever since, almost for four years.
Amy Riordan So tell us about your coaching business. What does it all entail?
Aimee Batuski Yeah, So after I started coaching, which was four years ago, I was just doing a general life coaching at the time. My based foundation was ontological coaching, which is your way of being. So it's focusing on your being before what you're doing. Um, and that's still my foundation, but then I started diving into personal growth work specifically in the realm of femininity, desire, body based, somatic healing and growth in the feminine realm. And so that's now what I do. So after I started integrating that work, I started doing this work for myself. I started transforming. I started taking course and retreats with all these amazing teachers who are experts in the field of transformation in the feminine realm, and masculine feminine dynamics and sexuality. And so I started integrating and weaving all of that into my work. And so now, I lead retreats for women and actually for men and women starting in 2020 we're doing our first co at retreat, and I lead retreats with one of my best friends, her name's Ellie. And we lead those together. They're called Designer on Fire Retreats, and then my primary coaching, my full time gig is that I lead a virtual courses for women. So I used to do one on one coaching, and the last two years I have shifted in transition to doing virtual courses. So my flagship courses called Wild, Confident Intimacy. I need it twice a year. And then I also have a graduate program called Radiance, and it's only for women. It's an intimate group of 10 to 14 women in each of my courses, and yeah, we dive into everything. Sex, relationships, intimacy, desire. We talk about shame, where we're held back, our social conditioning and how that keeps us tamped down and suppressed. And then I guide them through how to - how to live a turned on life and how to be connected to their body, to their sexuality and to be asking for what they want in every area of life.
Amy Riordan So with this retreat, is it a relationship thing? Or is it coed as in, like singles go out?
Aimee Batuski Yeah, great question. So far, all the retreats that I've let have only been for women. And the women are single, married, divorced, with kids, not with kids. There's a range, I actually leading retreat on Friday for four days, Friday to Monday in Palm Springs in California. And there's 24 women in this retreat, which is the biggest retreat we've ever done, and the range of ages is about 24 to 69 which is incredible. We have four women over 50 in this retreat. So, I coach a full range of women, both in my virtual courses and in my retreats. And I love that because we we need this work. We need this kind of transformation and access to our power, our feminine power at any age and regardless of our marital status or status of children.
Amy Riordan Yes, exactly. Excellent! So it is always in Palm Springs? Or do you travel around?
Aimee Batuski Yeah, so the retreats, Desire On Fire Retreats that I that I plan and lead with Ellie, we've had one in Los Angeles, one just outside of Los Angeles, and this is our third, which is in Palm Springs. We have one - our advanced retreat is in January in Ojai. And our spring level-one retreat, which is this, the one that I'm leading this weekend is in Ojai as well, in April. And then our coed retreat is in May, and that will be in Los Angeles. Coed is for singles and couples. Yeah, so anyone can come. It's just men and women.
Amy Riordan Okay. So when you started your virtual courses, tell us, like, what advice would you give to someone who wants to do a virtual course?
Aimee Batuski Yeah. Well, I say this to everyone that you know, when we're not growing, we're retracting. So the more you could put yourself into containers, what I call a container, like a specific, contained amount of time or course, or a program or a retreat or something that you're held inside of energetically by someone, by a teacher or coach, the more you'll be expanding. When we're just off on our own, we're just, you know... what's that? We're like, we're floating through the abyss of this world of this lifetime. I think it's it's harder to be grounded and clear about what we want and what we need and what's in the way. And so, for women that are considering, they want to grow, they want to expand, they feel may be stuck. They don't feel connected to their body. They don't feel free in their sexuality, anything like that totally qualifies them to do the work that I do. So for women that are interested, I hop on a call with them and we dig into - What your desires? What are our blocks? What's in the way? What do you want? And doesn't this feel like a fit? And if it does, then you know, then they can sign up and be in my four-month flagship course, like I mentioned. And, I have to say, there's something incredibly powerful about growing and doing this transformational work in community and specifically in a community of women - what I call in sisterhood. So, I lead the virtual calls with these women in a group, and we also have a group thread so that the women can stay connected between calls. So they share a lot; they share where they're stuck, where they're afraid, or they're confronted where they're turned on, where they're excited, where they had a breakthrough, where they had a break down. They share so much with each other. And, I think that's what's so powerful, is they get the transmission for me, about all the work that I've done and all the l tools, but then they also have each other to lean on and to learn from each other's stories and growth, which is really exciting and really enriches the experience of the course.
Amy Riordan So how do you encourage them to set goals?
Aimee Batuski Well, I get really clear with them. Before they start, I have them get really clear about their future vision. So what they really want for themselves and their life by taking this course. Like why are they in this? What do they have at stake? And then they get clear, like, do they want, you know, a relationship if they're not in one. Or do they want a more fulfilling and vulnerable relationship with the person that they're with? Do they want more satisfying sex? What would that look like? How would they know that they've reached that? You know, do they want better communication skills? Do they want a better job? More pay? So I have them get really clear about their future vision before we begin, and then I actually have, in my virtual, I have them do a check-in sheet every time we have a call. So I know. Where you at? Where you stuck? What's next? What do you want? And I have them share with me what their coaching request is. So I know what I can be; I can alter a bit of what I'm doing on the virtual group calls and also in my one on one calls with them, based on what they need.
Amy Riordan So, for a person who's struggling with, like, self confidence or being like intimate, I guess in general, how did they approach coming out of their shell; what do you teach them for that?
Aimee Batuski Yeah, well, a big thing that I teach is, first of all, like slowing down and dropping into your body, we're not very connected to our bodies. I lived most of my life living in my head and that's a very masculine way to live in terms of like energy, right? Like masculine, feminine energy, we all have masculine and feminine energy. I love my masculine energy; it's how I get shit done. And I was very much in my head getting shit done, right? And so dropping into my body, dropping into my feminine energy and connecting to my body and my intuition, has really helped in knowing what I want and asking for it and making sure it's aligned for me. So I teach women to slow down, to pause, to breathe, to feel, into their body, into their gut, into their womb. And just listen, because we actually have, you know, we have a lot of wisdom in our bodies, and then, a practice that I give women is to practice saying the truth. And I call it saying the deeper thing, because we're often speaking in surface level conversations in life and so right? We're like, you know, we're annoyed with our roommate were like, 'Oh, yeah, no problem that you left the dishes out', right? But really, we're irritated and annoyed, right? And so I have my clients practice saying the deeper thing, which isn't just, like, 'Do the dishes.' That's not the deeper thing. The deeper thing is often like, 'Hey, when you didn't do the dishes, I noticed myself have a reaction because I felt like you weren't respecting our home. And I know that wasn't your intention. So I want to talk about it. Cuz I'm noticing him a little irritated or resentful', right? So saying the deeper thing is not comfortable, but it does have you feel more intimately connected to the person that you're talking to or in relationship with, whether it's a roommate or friend or parent. And so I teach women to say the deeper thing because then you feel more real and also to have more approval for your full range of emotion, because we tamp down if we're sad or angry or jealous or irritated. And there's a lot of power and vulnerability and intimacy in allowing yourself to express the darker more hidden emotions that our society doesn't normally approve of.
Amy Riordan Wow, there's a lot of content right there. We're gonna have to, like, put that in the notes below so everyone can get every tiny bit of it. So one of the things I'm curious about is if someone's stuck in a rut, let's talk about that for a second. Like, for whatever goal that they're trying to reach, how do you help them free themselves from that? I know that's very general, but...
Aimee Batuski Yeah, well, I would say the first thing that comes to mind for me is to have them connect with sisters about it. Anytime I am stuck, I immediately get into connection with the women in my life. And that is a tool that I think people undervalue or underestimate or don't really realize is so powerful. But I swear if I just name it; when I say name it, I mean, if I just address it with someone in my life or with friends, um, or with sisters on this path of transformation with me, it goes away or it dissipates, or it opens up where it feels last serious. So getting support, sharing about it, asking for reflection or advice when you want it, or just asking for a listening ear if you need it is hugely powerful. So a lot of friends with my clients, I just listen to that. I listen and I reflect their brilliance. I don't really have to add a lot because they're already brilliant whole and complete the way they are. So I would say, one way to start getting yourself unstuck is by sharing with women that you trust sharing with sisters, especially if you're in a container with me, you know, doing a virtual course or in a retreat, sharing with the women in the program with you. You know that they're there on the same path, and then I have a lot of different methods for getting women un stuck. It depends on where they are. I can teach some of the different perspectives or tools, you know, just for example, approving of and acknowledging their darker emotions, right? That I just mentioned. That can be hugely transformational for women, because when I say it's okay for you to feel this way, it's okay for you to be angry; it's ok for you to be sad, let's pull out more that sadness and anger and actually let it breathe, that can heal where they're stuck, right? Or giving them approval to ask for the thing that they want, where they think they might feel; where they ordinarily would judge themselves as being too much, right? So giving - a lot of what I do is just give women a lot of love and approval for the things that they've been hiding or ashamed of, or afraid to do or ask for and give them that space to start asking for it or being that way or acting that way or pursuing those things. So, I hope that answers your question. I could probably keep going. I have other methods fooling and for trauma released some things like that. It just depends on what they're stuck with and what they need.
Amy Riordan No, I think that answers it perfectly. I definitely do want have you back on maybe next spring, to dive more into that. I did want to ask you about any processes that you have in general in your training or for your treats. Do you go into meditation and yoga? What additionally? Is there something on top of those?
Aimee Batuski Yeah meditation & yoga is a very small part of our retreat. The thing is people imagine retreats as like this, you know, we're just doing yoga every day and you're meditating. We're sitting there and, like maybe drinking mai tais on the beach. That is so not what my retreats are. We actually have this in the pre retreat survey. If anyone's considering doing a retreat, Ellie and I have this in the retreat survey. Were like, If this is what you're looking for, stop now, that is not what you're gonna get. We do movement and yoga and or yoga every day of the retreat. We think it's really important to connect your body and to move and to be healthy, of course, we have organic, vegan, gluten free chefs come in, and we have very healthy food and very active, a very active experience. And that's not the majority of the retreat and of any of the work that I do. So in the retreats, we lead coaching circles every days. So we really dig in with the women of what are you dealing with? What's coming up for you? What's going on? What do you want support around? Where you stuck? And we actually coach that; we interactively coach them. We bring in guest teachers, we have movement teachers for feminine central movement. We do incredibly powerful exercises that I'm not gonna give away. But we involve lingerie in some of these exercises; we involve reflections in some of these exercises to have women see themselves. So there's a lot of really powerful exercise that I don't share because we don't; the women that are in the retreat don't even know what they are and they're incredibly transformational. They're very experiential. And then we bring in guest teachers with different perspectives on sex, desire, relationships, marriage. We have a teacher come in and lead sex magic, which is a kind of meditation using your, you know, your sexual energy, your feminine energy, and using that to create in the world. So it's a combination. It's combination of coaching, experiential exercises, movement, guest teacher sessions, and so much more.
Amy Riordan It sounds like this really is the full process and not just, you know, something to sweep it under the rug or to like maybe you get an idea about what you could do about it. It sounds like you guys are really, really getting in depth and that's amazing.
Aimee Batuski We really go in. I've had many women say; who have done years of transformational, personal development work say that our retreats are the most powerful thing they've ever done.
Amy Riordan Wow. And of course I'm gonna link all of your stuff below. I just wanted to say thank you so much for being here, and I also wanted to touch base on any other notes that you have. So what else would you want to tell of audience as they're setting goals.
Aimee Batuski Well, I guess I would just say to anyone, to everyone, to trust your desire. We really live in a society that we're expected to do things, and we are living often out of obligation or expectation. And it really isn't a way to live and so, speaking of bucket lists, right? It's like, how do you want to be living NOW? If you want a different job, if you want to create business, if you want to join a new gym, if you want to sign up for a transformational course or coaching, if you want to end your relationship, if you want to start a relationship. Follow the thing that you actually want, it's usually a quieter voice and follow it and trust it, even if it's messy; even if nobody else agrees. I can tell you when I was 23 starting my coaching business, moving cross the country, a lot of people thought I was crazy. And, you know, my parents are unbelievably supportive, so they weren't unsupportive, but of course, they're like, 'Wait, are you sure you're not getting a job?' Right? And I still followed it. And look, look what it has brought me and what it is bringing to so many women because I trusted that inner desire inner voice. So as much as you can, trust your inner voice, trust your desire. Follow it, even if it's messy and scary. And if you're too afraid to do it, then ask for and find the coaching support or containers that will have you live that way.
Amy Riordan Thank you so much, Aimee. A wealth of knowledge, I mean, and this is just scraping the surface. Obviously, thank you so much and I'll have you back on. I'm not kidding.
Aimee Batuski Yeah, I would love to be back. Thank you so much, Amy. I appreciate it.
Amy Riordan Amy Riordan is a weekly podcast brought to you by me, Amy Riordan. Love this podcast? Leave me a review and share with friends. You can also find me on social media. Subscribe to this podcast for all new episode notifications. With questions, topic requests or interviewee nominations, visit AmyRiordan.com. Curious about specific content mentioned in each episode? Those details are linked below.